Dragonball: Evolution Review

Dragonball Evolution Video Review

This was an interesting movie. Not because it had an engaging plot and complex characters. No Dragonball finds its niche in the "Just missed it" category. It seems like with everything they tried with this film they came close but never hit the mark, ending up with a final product that is simply sub-par. The fight scenes are nothing special. The characters are stereotypes. The story has plot holes. Everything for a train wreck is here but Dragonball manages to keep its head above the water. Granted, I am not a fan of DB so I have no attachment to these people and places and no compass with which to direct any rage. To me this is just a kind of bad action flick based on an anime that I have sparse details about floating around my brain.

The characters are laughably bad. They are, for the most part, shoehorned in and completely one note. I honestly can't believe that characters were cut from the script to focus on the main cast. Piccolo is evil... because. Chi Chi was there for one reason, forced love interest. Then there's Yamcha who… well… watch the trailer and see how many times you spot him. It's almost as though they put him in during post-production (and the "love interest" he had with Bulma… wow, it makes Goku and Chi Chi look like the couple from the Notebook).

The characters feel so odd mostly because of how inconsistent the world is. It's supposed to be semi-futuristic but it seriously jumps from ancients to an old dojo then to modern day high school then to sci-fi and then Fantasy. When Bulma shows up I thought she was from another planet. That's just how inconsistent this world feels. Because of that you get this group of people that seem like they're all from different worlds and it doesn't work. Honestly Kingdom Hearts did better than this.

There are plot holes here and there. Namely the glaring omission of how Piccolo, the main villain, was released from his 2000 year imprisonment. I suppose we can assume the girl villain (Mai, whose name I had to look up because it is not mentioned in the movie at all) was responsible, though her motives are never even remotely explored. Since the entire movie revolves around Piccolo getting out it'd be nice if the plot even touched on it. Also, on that note, James Marsters said that his character was just misunderstood. That he wasn't a bad guy at first but then he was sealed away for 2000 years and when he got out he was pissed and wanted revenge. Obviously I don't know if this is true in the anime/manga, but in this film they basically drill it in your head that Piccolo came 2000 years ago to destroy the earth. Sounds like a pretty bad guy to me… The plot is also juggled in an odd way. The Dragonballs were created by seven ancients to seal Piccolo so they're needed to defeat Piccolo but then it seems like Piccolo needs the Dragonballs to summon Oozaru (which he had before without the Dragonballs) so keeping them away from him would have been just as effective… it's all rather odd.

I can chalk this next gripe up to personal opinion, but at the end when *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* Roshi dies, they use the one wish the Dragonballs grant you to bring him back to life. They could end poverty, war, and world hunger, but nah, this guy they've known for a few days was pretty chill. Also, the Dragonballs split at the end of the movie and appear to be hidden again. Between Piccolo and Goku they managed to find all seven within a matter of days, so it speaks to reason that these things are pretty easy to find (especially since Bulma has DB locator). So what is keeping them from finding them over and over and getting near infinite wishes? Only one wish per person? Make some friends. The Dragonballs lost their power? They seemed just fine after sealing piccolo away. Perhaps that's it, there is a 2000 year recharge time. Why? Because.

Ultimately this movie isn't terrible. Yes it's bad, yes it's probably an abomination to the source material (though I wouldn't know) but it is held aloft by it's goofiness (the unintentional kind). I highly recommend viewing this with a small group of friends who can appreciate a good riff. If you don't like talking during movies than I'd avoid watching this with me, because there aren't two minutes that go by that they don't set you up for a great one liner. Props to Jeremy for the Highwind joke. Classic.

The Walking Dead (AMC) Review

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Some quick thoughts on the first season of AMC's The Walking Dead

If you don't like reading, check out my Video Review (Above)

If you've been reading my blog for a while then you know that The Walking Dead is just about my favorite Graphic Novel at the moment. It's not just a zombie comic, it is a zombie epic, a character driven story that is powerful in its delivery and broad in scope. A while back I mentioned how excited I was for the television adaptaion of said work. Well, the TV series came and went... on cable. Unfortunately I do not have cable so I had to look for alternative means to watch The Walking Dead. Luckily I stumbled across Amazons new On Demand feature and got the entire first season plus a pre-pilot sneak preview for $5.

So what did I think? Well much like the graphic novel it's a mixed bag (a bag filled with diamonds and severed hands).

The series as an adaption is incredibly faithful to the spirit of the books. I say spirit because this is not a direct translation. The characters are the same, and they are put in similar situations, but this is not a blow by blow of the graphic novel. New characters, relationships and scenarios all come into play within the first episode. Most notably the addition of two "redneck" brothers and a different relationship between Shane (Ricks best friend) and Lori (Ricks wife). If you want a recap of how the relationship between Shane and Lori went in the book click here for my review of Walking Dead Volume One. In the show Shane not only makes it past the first episode but he is still alive even at the end of the season. Though his killy rapey self is becoming more apparent.

The characters from the book; Rick, Shane, Lori, Carl, Dale, Glen and the like are all perfect. They do a great job capturing each person. Shane is great at crazy eyes. Dale is old, wise and friendly, and Glen is upbeat and emotional. As for the new characters... I like them. I think the Dickson brothers are a fun addition, racism and all, and setting up Merle as a future villain is an interesting place to take the series. I like that he didn't show up again in this season. Though I must admit I find his escape rather taxing on the imagination. The other new characters are basically there to be eaten by zombies. Jim's death plays out much the same way as in the book (gets bitten, slowly turns) but I wish they would have added the bit from the comic about his family...

The gore in Walking Dead is lite. I can see some zombie buffs not quite buying into because it is more about the characters. There are some episodes, the season finale stands out, where there are hardly any zombies at all. Just keep in mind that this show is not about how many zombies can be killed in 45 minutes, it is about people surviving in an incredibly dangerous world.

Speaking of the season finale, it was incredibly weak. Six episodes clearly weren't enough for where the creators of the show wanted to go (luckily a 2nd season has already been ordered). The 6th episode just feels like a self contained story, there is no real cliff hanger, nothing to draw you back (unless you just love zombies/ the show). There was also one scene, in which the group all gets a hot shower for the first time in ages, that plays out almost like a parody. The one thing they did try to bait us with was that a secret is passed to Rick near the end of the episode. I have some theories on what that might be, but I'll get into that down below***

In the end I have to reccomend this series. It was well made and executed with near perfection. This will hopefully be a long running series like the graphic novel. I would love to see where these surivors end up several years down the road. If you like zombies you owe it to yourself to watch this show.

Now lets get into some SPOILERS

*** At the end of episode six, in which the group makes it to the Center for Disease Control, they find the one remaining scientist Dr. Jenner. He reluctantly lets them into the CDC underground, makes them all take blood tests, and tells them all he knows about the virus and the world at large. At one point Rick goes to thank Jenner (Rick being slightly drunk) and asks about the blood tests. Jenner responds with a non descript "No suprises". Later the CDC runs out of backup power so it beings a facility wide decontamination. Jenner traps the survivors in but eventually lets them go, but before Rick runs out he whispers something into his ear and Rick is clearly disturbed by what he says. Here are my theories as to what he whispered:

1. That his wife Lori is pregnant. This happens in the graphic novel and is quite a tense situation because by that point Rick knows the baby might not be his, and could be Shane's (who is dead). Also they don't know how the virus, which they all technically have, could affect the baby.

2. At one point Shane gets drunk and almost sexually assaults Lori. Jenner has cameras all over the building, there is a good chance he saw what went down in the wreck room and told Rick his "Friend" might be a bit unstable (perhaps it's 1 and 2)

3. That they all have the virus. At this point in the book, and the series it would seem, the characters all think the only way you become a zombie is if you are bitten or scratched. However, it is discovered by the deaths of the two idiots in the books that everyone will come back eventually. Knowing that no matter what, you have the virus in you and will turn even if not bitten would be quite disheartening to hear.

4. This one is a bit of a lame duck but... Andrea is infected... At one point Andrea throws up form what we are left to assume is grief/alcohol. I'd be incredibly disappointed if this were the case. Also, this one makes the least sense.

So those are my theories, they are all fairly in line with the comic. That said, Kirkman has stated before that the series will deviate from the books to keep the fans of the comics guessing.

Making a DisAppointment

I've been under-disappointed lately.

I mean, everything has turned out better than expected. I watched The Room and it was suitably hilarious and awkward. I played Kane and Lynch 2 and while it was bad it was still at least playable. I watched all of The Last Airbender and left with my sanity in check, thinking only that it's biggest crime was trying too much with no talent.

Much in the way something gets over hyped *cough* Avatar *cough* and then doesn't live up to its astronomical expectations. I'm having a similar problem, except I've been hoping for these things to be massive unequivocal failures but I've only been met by things I can identify as just plain old bad. Granted, having a sunny disposition as I do it is a tad bit difficult, but still, I have decided to set out on a journey, much like Mr. Glass, to find that magical train-wreck. I want to play the unplayable game, read the unreadable book, and watch the unwatchable movie.

This will test the limits of my sanity and challenge my optimistic outlook. My starting point is this: it has to be worse than Twilight New Moon, which will be difficult, because that movie almost broke me. I'm open to suggestions but I think I am going to start with Tomb Raider Angel of Darkness for the Playstation 2. This should be a fun experiment.

Brutal Legend Video Review

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Only slightly delayed, my review of Brutal Legend. ;Just some notes;

For the Love of Advertising

I liked Dead Space, a lot. That game was right up my alley. You see, one of my favorite type of film is "Space Paranoids". Something that takes place in space, (or in some cases deep in the ocean) on a derelict ship or planet. I don't know why, I just really enjoy films of that variety. Dead Space, in that regard, is like a love letter to me. So of course I should be excited for a sequel, right?

Well I was until EA came up with this schlock:

http://yourmomhatesdeadspace2.com/

That's right, your mom hates Dead Space 2, how edgy. Thanks EA, I already knew that. I love my mother dearly so I would never even think to subject her to watching footage from Dead Space. Yet EA thinks it's funny to sit women down under false pretense and show them graphically disturbing imagery. Would it have been funny if they were forced to watch fornication? or real life violent acts?

Who at EA thought this was a good idea? I honestly can't believe this was put out. It really grinds my gears that some ad exec at Electronic Arts is patting him or herself on the back right now. "How edgy!" they must be saying. The only edge in that commercial was the one some poor unsuspecting mother saw a Necromorph get impaled by. I know there are those among the game playing public that will find this hilarious but please understand; This was not a creepy crawlers commercial. The mothers weren't pretending to be grossed out by fake bugs, they were tricked and shown disturbing material. That's just not right.

So Happy New Year EA, I'm not buying your game when it comes out. In fact, it just plummeted down my list. My apologies to those who were waiting at the edge of their seats for my Dead Space 2 review. I refuse to buy into "momsploitation".

A Brief Review of Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days

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A brief review of Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days (spoilers)

Right vs Wrong: The Good Bad

Simultaneously, Only Slightly Delayed: Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days

My first accomplishment of 2011 was a rather odd one indeed. I rang in the new year by beating one of the worst games of 2010. That's right, I subjected myself to the four dreary hours of Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days (half of that was co-op with Jeremy). Of course that begs the question; Matt, why would you do that to yourself and a friend!? First and foremost to test the waters, see if the game really was as bad as people said, after all, even I had some strong words for it in a previous article. Second was to teach a lesson, if it really was bad, then I had just the right game to compare it to that did the same thing, but actually succeeded.

Kane and Lynch 2 is a bad game, but you probably already knew that. Granted, it was not the train wreck I was expecting. It was a playable, albeit painful, experience. For starters KL2 is an ugly game. This normally wouldn't bother me, but to make up for how piss poor the graphics are the developers used this god awful cell phone camera quality filter, it has neither charm nor purpose. I suppose this was to add to the "gritty realism" the game was going for (and failed at miserably). At one or two points in the game they actually try to play it like there is some masochistic-deaf-dumb-camera-shy-mute they don't like to talk about following them around and filming their escapades.

Adding to the "realism" is the fact that your characters shoot about as accurately as a hardboiled cop egg. KL2 is a cover based third person shooter, so all the gunning is done from quite some distance, so inaccuracy becomes a huge issue. The ultimate catch 22 of this game comes in the form of the core mechanics, it wants you to stay in cover, but you have to be 3 feet away from your enemy to do any damage. Basically, bullets will kill you, fast. Your enemies however are only mildly allergic to bullets. This is a formula for frustration and ends up being a lazy way to pad the length of the game through cheap death. While playing the game co-op it is easy enough to manage, provided your friend is smarter than the brick they emulated for the AI. Simply put, the AI is incompetent. It will not kill enemies, and you will die because of that.

Washed out colors and excessive bloom lighting! Sign me up!

The final place this game falls flat on its face is the story. There is no believable connection between Kane and Lynch, and barely a hint of humanity (though the game does try, offering a daughter and girlfriend as collateral, but it doesn't work). You start by killing thugs, which is fine, then you kill cops, which is odd, then the army comes after you, then special forces. There's no two ways around it. You are evil in this game. Evil.

(NOTE: Thats the end of the brief review, not much to say about it really. The following is a comparison to a game that succeeded where KL2 failed) Now is playing as a bad guy a bad thing? Not at all, but there is a right and wrong way to do it. So lets look at a good example shall we?

There are many good examples but this one matches quite well in theme: Call of Juarez 2 Bound in Blood. This is an old west FPS that tells the story of two brothers gone bad. Mechanically it is a very different game from KL2 so I'm not going to touch on that, I want to focus on the story, or specifically, how we as a player are drawn in.

KL2 assumes that you are the lowest common denominator, you are the loyal G4 audience, you gawk at breasts and absorb violence like a sponge and all the art you need is applied in a simple filter. You don't mind killing cops, army men, or special forces, because your playing as the misunderstood heroes… who are not at all misunderstood, they're pure evil. KL2 is like two incredibly violent kids in a sand box, and honestly, that works for some people (read above). To tell an engaging story from that perspective though is much more difficult than one might think.

Unless you are the person described in the above paragraph you will always feel detached from the characters in KL2. What that game is missing is a proxy, an entry point into the story for a normal person with regulated testosterone levels. Call of Juarez has not one, but two proxies. The first is Thomas, he is a bandit like his older brother Ray, but not quite so aggressive. The next proxy is William. He is not a playable character but has an incredible story arc none the less.

I'm sure you can guess which brother is slightly more evil

With Thomas, Ray, and William we are given an entry point to the story so we can enjoy it on a much deeper level and actually connect with all the characters. They all suffer from flaws and deal with deep emotional conflict; Love, family, selfishness, revenge, contentment, envy. Death has weight and consequence in Call of Juarez 2, something sorely lacking from Kane and Lynch 2.

There are plenty of games and movies that play up the angle of being a bad guy. Some succeed and some, like Kane and Lynch, fall terribly short. You won't leave this game feeling like a badass, heck, you won't even feel entertained. No, it's much more likely you'll just leave Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days feeling dirty, very, very, dirty.