Wait... Old People Make Games?

Editorial Note: I know, it's been a while. I expect to be welcomed back with open arms and eyes welling with tears of admiration. YOU should expect a wordy article about nothing in particular and massive spoilers for Last of Us, Bioshock Infinite and Tell Tale's The Walking Dead.

It's been a rough few weeks for me. First I had to slog my way through Bioshock Infinite, then drudge past TellTale's Walking Dead, then shortly after submit myself to the agony of Naughty Dog's Last of Us. After severe depression and fits of uncontrollable sobbing I realized something; Becoming a father has made me soft(er). Let me set the record straight, I've always been a man who is in touch with his emotions (just ask me to explain the "Alternate Ending" comic for Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends) it's just something that has gotten worse, if that's the right word, since Hayden arrived.

 

Spoilers from here

The Last of Us opens with a surprise. You actually begin the game controlling Joel's frightened daughter, 20 years before the game proper begins. There is much to be said for this design choice, but this article isn't really about game design, it's about things that make me cry, because that's what you want to read about. After a short drive you gain control of Joel as he runs away from all the chaos holding his daughter, who is then killed, not by infected, but by military quarantine.

Sure, this scene tugs at the heart strings, but it's nothing compared to the end. The climax of the game is a mirror image of the opening, with Joel clutching Ellie, running through the madness of the hospital trying to escape. I lost it. Again, not terribly out of the ordinary, but the impact was greater on me. It was so simple for me to put myself in Joel's headspace.

The same goes for The Walking Dead game (That would be TellTales, NOT Activision's). It was simple for me to get into Lee's head and care about Clem, because she represented exactly what she was supposed to, something beautiful in a world destroyed. Lee getting bit resonated more with me than every single zombie bite I have ever seen, movies, comics, games combined. That fact can be attributed to Clem, the thought of leaving her alone and unprotected in that world was devastating.

 

Finally there is Bioshock Infinite. This game pulls a bait and switch. I went in expecting grand themes, painted broadly on the canvas of Columbia, the floating city. That is how the game begins. Where the original bioshock played it's sociopolitical commentary a bit closer to the vest till the end, infinite comes out swinging. It throws patriotism, racism, fanatic religious behavior, and overt violence at you within the first few minutes. The difference is that these themes serve as more of a red haring for Infinite's true purpose.

At it's core Infinite is a game about blinding regret. At the games conclusion you are left with the complete picture of a broken man, who sold his daughter to pay for gambling debt, and spent the rest of his life torturing himself for it. I know some people didn't quite like the way it wrapped up, and that the alternate universes let a bit to many story conveniences in. I found the resolution to be engaging and heart breaking. That moment when you realize you've been playing as Elizabeth's father this entire time is heart wrenching. Again, the feeling is compounded knowing there is an infant in the other room that is completely reliant on me.

So what do all these games have in common, other than being crazy depressing? These games made me realize something, video games are growing up. As an industry we have evolved from "Save your Girlfriend" (who was probably kidnapped by ninjas, or an over sized lizard... thing) to "Play as this guy, and through this guy view the complex and emotional path of parent hood, a thing mostly reserved for adults, but you can have a taste in delightful long form visual story telling utilized to near perfection."

I know that is quite the mouthful, but it's the truth. Granted, games have grown up in other equally artistic ways, but the exploration of the dynamic between parent and child is something so core to the human experience, it practically trumps everything else. This is not just entertainment. These games represent a way to gain insight into a core human experience.

For me, The Last of Us takes the cake (in the saddest way possible). While I love all these games, it holds the most water in terms of human interaction and storytelling. The evolution of Joel and Ellie's relationship is more than simply believable. I mean, I believe Lee would do anything to keep Clem safe, and I believe thank Booker was so wracked with guilt he would do anything to make up for it. Believability isn't everything, it's part of an organic whole with so many moving parts it's amazing how right each of these games got it.

There is a moment in Infinite that is a rather touching Easter egg where Booker plays the guitar while Elizabeth sings. It's very moving, and touching, and other sappy words, but the Last of Us has small moments like that (even something as insignificant as Joel glancing at his watch) throughout the entire game. I would recommend any gamer who is or will someday be a parent play these games. In all honesty it will prepare you for the harsh reality that parenthood is terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, being a parent is perhaps the most amazing thing ever in the universe, it's like life's bacon. There is, however, a flip side to that happiness. That is the stress and worry of having something you love so much more than you ever thought possible be so incredibly fragile.

Opinion Hated Episode 10!!!

In this episode Matt finally beat the game he thought he beat, and the Dark Knight Rises is discussed at length!

Opinion Hated Episode 9

The weirdest episode yet! Matt and Jeremy talk about their disabled digital girlfriends in Katawa Shoujo!!!

Opinion Hated Episode 8

Matt and Jeremy fly solo, together, and discuss The Hobbit HFR and video games with minimal awkward silence.

Opinion Hated Ep 7

Breaking Dawn Part II, Skyfall, video games, and stuff!

Opinion Hated Episode 6

Opinion Hated Ep 5

The Game Changer

I've made it no secret that I am a huge fan of Tim Schafer. Anything he or his studio puts out is pure gold (I just so happen to be the owner a beautiful signed Psychonauts poster). This has been an incredible week for Double Fine and Tim. First there was the news the Notch (the guy behind minecraft) basically offered to publish a Psychonauts sequel. Then there was this, the KickStarter Revolution.

Last month one of my favorite bands, Five Iron Frenzy, came back from the grave using Kick Starter. Now Double Fine has done something similar, but with different implications. While Five Iron was able to call on old fans to revive a band broken up for 8 years, which is amazing, Tim Schafer did something a bit more important. Now this isn't an article about how great Kick Starter is, we all know it's awesome. No, this is how Kick Starter could change the way games are made.

More than anything Double Fine's success is a wake up call (or warning) to publishers. Middle men might not always be necessary. Just because Tim managed to make a million dollars in a day doesn't mean that now every game will have easy funding. The fact of the matter is there are already tons of game projects on kickstarter, and most haven't even broken $1000.

What Tim Schafer and Double Fine are proving right now is that fan funding can work, and incredibly well at that. Granted Tim has a lot of goodwill behind his name with gamers (just look at his resume), so not every game/developer will get a million dollars in under 24 hours. The important thing here is that he did. The best outcome is that publishers start to act with a bit of humility when handling someone else's property, knowing in the back of their minds the power fans now have.

Games have been waiting for something like this. Every medium of artistic expression eventually finds it's way to the masses, and in doing so, becomes easier to execute on a higher level. Film just recently went through this transition, literature did a long time ago. Now, games are becoming easier to make, and have a new way to be funded. This is good, very good.

I'll leave you with this delightful tidbit. Fox news once said that a fan funded project was out of the question at the moment (the moment being several years ago). The show in question: Firefly.

Opinion Hated Episode 4

Jeremy and Matt discuss many things including but not limited to: Resistance 3. Fable 3. Battlefield 3. 3 Stooges. 3's a crowd. 3's Company. okmaybenotreally

When We Retire The Old Guard

We live in an incredibly fascinating time. The rate at which technology is changing and integrating with what we consider standard day-to-day life is increasing at an exponential rate. This leads to an interesting thought; so much of what we live is "unprecedented". This plays a particularly intriguing role in our so called "gamer culture", that niche little section of society that most people reading this blog live in or around.

Gaming as a medium is still rather young, and as such, the first generation of children weened on this wondrous art have since entered adult hood. These men and women are now gamings "Old Guard". those nostalgia loving, console war surviving, 8 bit heroes who now control the b/vlog-o-sphere which our societal niche dotes upon. The problem is, gaming is no longer a niche hobby. Video Games are growing up, but the "Old Guard" of gaming isn't.

This really does boil down to being an opinion, but I am tired about hearing how games used to be more engaging, difficult, and all around better experiences. The reason this gets under my skin is because it is [for the most part] nostalgia. There is nothing wrong with nostalgia, I think it's awesome, the difference is I can admit to myself that the games I played as a child have evolved into something greater than the sum of their original parts.

I believe we will get to see this evolution first hand as the PS2/Xbox/Nintendohadsomethingright? generation gets older. I'm honestly curious to see how these kids fair amongst the hordes of now older and entitled Gen X'rs. The kids that grew up playing PS2 games are going to defend Jak and Daxter with the same furver that someone who grew up playing Nintendo defends Super Mario Bros 3. Further than that, children who are growing up with Xbox 360 now are going to defend their time and console.

My son's first (generational) console will probably be the Playstation 4 (or whatever the next gen is). I can only imagine how things will be when he is older. Defending the legitimacy of the PS4 against the nostalgia laden hipsters claiming 360 was the greatest console of all time. I just barely missed out on being a part of gen X. I remember playing NES, but my first console was a Genesis. So I went straight to 16 bit, and did my catching up a few years later. I was an odd duck, I never bought into the "Sega does what Nintendon't" console wars. That wasn't my prerogative, playing good games was (and still is).

Don't get me wrong, I love retro games. I even think they hold their own in the "games as art" discussion. But it just seems silly to me to act like the NES is the end-all when it comes to gaming, or that things aren't (at the very least) just as good as they were 20 years ago.

From Mass Negelct to Mass Affection: The Story of Matt Shepard

I was finally able to play through Bioware's acclaimed space opera Mass Effect 2 recently and if you listen to my ramblomatic podcast OpinionHated then you already have a decent gauge as to my opinion on said game. I wanted to further flesh out my opinion though, because if you did indeed listen to OpinionHated then in addition to being an incredibly charming and handsome person you are also well aware of the fact that I was quite tired when said cast-o-pod was recorded. And if you don't listen to OpinionHated, then you are probably sick of me mentioning it and would like me to get on with the article.

I really, really enjoyed my time with Mass Effect 2. The universe they created for the game feels vast, but manageable at the same time. I never felt overwhelmed, but I did feel at times as though I were a mere speck on a magnificent canvas. This point of scope stuck with me into my daily life as I catch myself frequently looking up at the stars at night and simply contemplating the vastness of it all. I'm reminded of a quote from Jayne Cobb "I've been to the edge, just looked like more space"

The setting, I found, was so magnificent that it seemed to cover up a flaw I had no idea existed until after the endgame. The story and [new] characters aren't all that interesting. The first half of the game is spent building your team for the suicide mission, and the last half is spent running errands for your crew. I just felt like there wasn't enough time to get to know people.

Basically you get one mission to learn more about a particular crew member then from there on out they are just support (barring the occasional conversation aboard the Normandy). The issue I have with this is that the characters are left with one defining trait... well, two perhaps, they are the (Initial Impression) with the (secondary attribute gleaned from Loyalty Mission), so for instance: Miranda is the (By the books Cerberus Officer) with (family issues). Jacob is the (former Alliance Officer) with (family issues). Thane is the (slick assassin) with... (...family issues...). Samara is the (crazy Justicar) with... yeah... (family issues)...

Alright, put on your hipster glasses cause here comes the part where I get pretentious and pick apart a genuinely good game to fit my own taste: I just wish there were more gameplay-driven story elements with getting to know your crew. Every time it goes back to the Normandy it's as if the game pauses. Honestly Mass Effect is akin to Sci-fi Football. You start a level, shoot a few guys, then go back to the Normandy to talk. The way the game is broken up is just plain jarring. Sure there are the occasional planet side trips where you have to talk to someone before the shooting starts, but the characters you bring along with you are silent, even during most conversations they just kind of hover. Even back as far as the SNES days we had this type of story telling down, no excuses Bioware.

As I eluded to earlier, the new characters in Mass Effect 2 are all pretty samey. You meet: the cold calculating assassin Thane; the cold calculating robot Legion; the crazy because of rules Samara; the crazy because of no rules Jack; the boring bland Jacob; and the boring bland Miranda. Kasumi is a thief, and Grunt is a Krogan. On the other hand the returning characters were terrific. I was, in short, an idiot to play the 2nd game and think I could get away with it. I need to play the first game (the issue there being that I also need a. better computer or b. xbox 360). I got Mass Effect 2 on the word of the developers who swore up and down that you could go into the sequel having not played through the first and have a full and complete experience. They lied.

The characters who return from Mass Effect 1 are fabulous. They are a tad bit more fleshed out, and I imagine had I played the previous entry I would have even more of an attachment to them. Honestly, I was bummed when I found out I couldn't romance Garrus, he was freaking cool. Then again, I quite enjoyed have Tali around, despite being an alien she had the most human and endearing qualities out of any woman on the ship. I genuinely enjoyed her character, which set up the final mission perfectly *SPOILERS AHEAD*

The main reason I left this game with a positive feeling, despite previously deriding it, was the fact that I knew the suicide mission could mean the end of my entire team and crew. Here I can say that Bioware did their job, because all it takes is one. You need only care about one team member, and the stakes will be raised. By this point I wanted to keep Tali alive, because my suave, amnesia ridden, pencil-stache sporting Shepard couldn't live without her and her nervous-adorable nature. I kept Tali on my team for the entire mission, figuring that would be my best chance at keeping her alive. After I defeated the big bad there was a cutscene in which the platform you are on breaks apart and Tali fell to her [near] death. At that moment I let out a tasteful and restrained, but still audible "no", followed by a smirk, and a "good job bioware".

Tali ended up surviving, to which I was extremely grateful, but alas, Legion didn't make it. I can only image how epic that mission would have been if I had truly cared about all the characters. Also, I know this is a cheap shot, the voice actor for Male-Shep is terrible.

So that is Mass Effect 2. I have high hopes for ME3, namely that I will be able to get to know my crew (or at the very least my current team configuration) outside the Normandy. Also, I'm praying the story is better than "The Big Bad is coming. Assemble your team, save everything", but Bioware would never do something like that... right?

Opinion Hated Episode 3

Matt and Jeremy talk about stuff like Catherine, Mass Effect 2, Toy Story 3, Breaking Dawn and Title Fight. Not in that order.

Television Triumphant

When I look back on 2011 in a few years I know I will look back upon it fondly. Not because I scored an awesome job, or found out that I was going to be a father. No, 2011 will be the year that I found the most amazing television shows I've ever seen.... Okay, there may be a pinch of hyperbole in that, but just a dash. Please, allow me to explain. I have never had cable TV, so I missed out on a lot of shows as a child. Now, as a man-child, I am able to watch anything I want thanks to the wonderful magic of Netflix.

Bow-ties, and non violent conflict resolution, are cool: Doctor Who

I had always heard that Who is Where it's at (a-thank you). I went into this show expecting a slightly cheesy but fun BBC sci-fi show about a time traveling blue box. As it turns out, it certainly was cheesy and fun, but also mature and deeply moving. I spoke much of my love for this particular gem in a previous article. Yes, Doctor Who has silly moments, and if you can't enjoy those then you won't enjoy the show.

Shoot First, Screw Up: Torchwood

I knew going into this show that it wasn't nearly as good as the show it was spun off of (Doctor Who, if you were wondering). Torchwood was established in Doctor Who as an organization to collect alien artifacts to defend queen and country. The main character, Jack Harkness, can't die. So the show doesn't hold much dramatic tension and instead chooses to weigh what it can with people dying around Jack. This show is literally the opposite of Doctor Who, they use gratuitous violence to solve their problems, and they fail time after time. It was a solid show for the first two seasons, just a monster of the week type thing (think early Buffy). Where it really took off was season 3, Children of Earth. If Torchwood was only one season long, I would want it to be this season. It is only 5 episodes, but it is pure magic.

Classic Appa: Avatar

I have wanted to watch this show for years. I still remember when Chad made me sit down and watch the first episode, I was hooked... Unfortunately I didn't have cable. Well, thanks to Netflix I was finally able to catch it, and all I can say is wow... WOW! This show is fantastic! It has the depth, themes, and continuity of an anime, but the production values of a western cartoon. The characters are all so bent and broken, but they find peace in each other. The world they inhabit is gorgeous and so full of life! It's amazing how even an act as simple as combining two animals can make a world feel different, but familiar and magical at the same time. Also, the platypus-bear is now my favorite animal. In fact I'm gonna go ahead and say that's my spirit animal... yeah... I now have no excuse not to get this show on DVD, I must pass this on to my son.

Best of all, a new series is coming. Said by the creators (the same from the original) to be darker and more mature, AND 1920's esque steam punk world with asian-jazz fusion music homygawthisismydreamcometrue.

/fanboysqueeling

Opinion Hated Ep 2

Call of Juarez: The Cartel

I was thinking about picking up Call of Juarez: The Cartel eventually and comparing it to Bound in Blood. If you have the keen memory of an elephant, or perhaps a dolphin, or even a human with exceptional memory, you might recall an article in which I praised Call of Juarez 2: Bound in Blood. I genuinely enjoyed that game, and was looking forward to a sequel. Well long story short the comparison plan has gone out the window. I will not be playing Cartel. I don't know how the studio went from such a high to an incredible low, but all I'm going to say about Cartel can be seen in this video.

http://penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/call-of-juarez-the-cartel

Peace.

Much Ado About Doctor Who

Lately I've found myself more than a little addicted to the BBC sci-fi classic Doctor Who. This started as a way to fill the void that the end of SG1 left me with, but has ended up as something greater. While I am not the foremost expert on the Doctor, I am a becoming quite the die hard fan, and I think I have figured out why. The Doctor is, short of the main Man Himself, the most Christlike figure I've ever seen on the telly.

When I began watching with the ninth Doctor I had been informed by many on that wonderful database of unbiased opinion: the internet, that the 10th is far and away the best. With this in mind I actually tried to resist David Tennant's charms at first. After all, I adored Christopher Ecclestons performance, and wanted to believe he would remain my favorite steadfast. In short, I was wrong. As a note, this article will focus on the 10th Doctor, as Russell T Davies stepped down with Tennant. The show feels a bit different with Matt Smith and Steven Moffat, but that is a discussion for another day.

Many years ago I used to participate in an activity called "Jesus at the Movies" it was a past-time started by my dear friend/pastor/father-figure/allaroundgreatguy Chad. Basically what we did was watch movies and then talk about them and where within them we saw Christ-like imagery (No, not literally pictures of Jesus... Ideas, themes). This has stuck with me, it's amazing how often one can come across these "Ghosts", ideals left imprinted in the very core of art and expression. Whether you believe it is Jesus, or just good nature, they are there.

In my mind the tenth Doctor is conjured alongside some of the greatest apologists in our history. Please, allow me to indulge with my nerdy muses.

Rose: [You can't go out there] Doctor, they've got guns.
The Doctor: And I haven't. Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead but the moral high ground is mine.

One of the most noticeable and admirable traits of the Doctor is his dedication to non-violent resolution. Above that, he offers mercy to those that most would say do not deserve it. When he comes across a problem he always has to give them a choice. This was incredibly clear in the episode "The Poison Sky" in which at the end *SPOILERS* the Doctor could transport an atmospheric bomb onto the Sentaren ship and save the earth, but he doesn't. He can't do that, he has to go in person so he can give them a choice.

The Doctor has traveled far and wide, but one thing that Tennant portrays perfectly is his love for humanity. He has seen so much of us, literally the darkest we can be, but he still loves us. The Doctor will always go on about how magnificent the human race is. *MAJOR SPOILERS* In the episode "The End of Time pt.2" the Doctor is placed to finally "die" and he has to make the decision whether or not to sacrifice himself. He doesn't want to, and even dear old Wilfred is telling him not to, that he's an old man. In a moment that resembles Christs prayer in the garden of Gethsemane the Doctor paces the room, not wanting to die, but in the end he tells Wilf that it would be his honor.

This is the only video I could find of 10's death. The only difference is that Murray Goldman's epic score is replaced by Placebo... So I apologize for that, but the power is still there. This scene breaks my heart every time I watch it. Not because I adore David Tennant (well, not entirely because...) it is something else, something beyond the face value of this incredibly powerful moment. People tend to forget that, whether or not you believe He was God aside, Jesus did exist, and He was executed in a terrible and painful way. Personally I do believe that He is who He said, and that His sacrifice saved me, and that there is nothing I could ever do to deserve that grace. As silly as it sounds, that video above reminds me of that.

There are many other small examples; the Doctor's name is significant as a healer, he always seeks to do good and loves those that follow suit, he has two hearts, oh and he fought the devil that one time. On a bit of a darker note, death follows the doctor. No one said life with Christ would be easy, and if they did they were lying... ironic I suppose. Sometimes even I can get disillusioned to who Christ is. We live in a society (Speaking here to my American readers) that the popular image of Jesus is that of a staunch conservative, with a gun in one hand and the deserving few and wealthy embraced in his other arm. This is not right. Jesus did not kill, He loved. That is my Jesus, a man of joy and a man with the weight of all the sin of the world on His shoulders. A man who time means nothing to, and who humanity means everything. My Jesus is Lord, and a bit TimeLord.

Enslaved: Odyssey to the- Wait, What?

I find it quite astonishing how many people I speak to who have no idea what Enslaved: Odyssey to the West is. Even my friends that skim game sites on a daily basis weren't in the know (save for a a select few). In hindsight though this speaks to reason as the lackluster sales of Enslaved has dashed the hopes of a sequel ever seeing the light of day. The news came from the studio itself (Ninja Theory) who are currently hard at work on the Devil May Cry reboot/prequel. The news made me sad, so I decided to finally sit down and record my thoughts about Enslaved.

Enslaved, to me, is a fantastic example of a strong linear narrative in an interactive medium. Keep in mind that I do not use linear here as a negative, just don't come into this game expecting emergent storytelling. There, now that I've got the pretentious explanation out of the way I can get on to the good stuff. The characters and the world they inhabit are simply stunning. This game has incredible art direction. It takes the drab apocalypse and turns it into a fab apocalypse! The lush, colorful environments are a welcome change to the games I've been playing lately.

The story is loosely based on the Eastern classic Journey to the West (in about the same way the first Resident Evil movie was based on Alice in Wonderland). It ends up being fairly broad in its scope and execution, or at least more so than I thought it would be. Basically, I went into this thinking it would be Escape From New York, but it ended up being more along the lines of, say, Visions of Escaflowne.

The characters are strong, which they should be, as there are only three. The performances tend to avoid the uncanny valley and would at times elicit the occasional emotional response. This was a wonderful treat seeing as I had just finished playing Oblivion in which the grand total of characters I had an emotional attachment to was zero. In fact is was probably somewhere deep in the negatives because I actively hated many of the people in Oblivion...

The actual game play mechanics is where some say the Enslaved falters. The staff swinging and shooting of monkey can be a bit wonkey at times, but it remains enjoyable for the most part. Sometimes platforming can get frustrating as jumping is irritatingly context sensitive.

In the end I would certainly recommend this title. In fact I would love it if the Enslaved got a large, noticeable boost in used sales, making it financially viable to make a sequel. I'll admit, there's not much here in the way of "games as art" other than just being a fun game, but that's not a bad thing. I think back on my time with Enslaved like a good book, one I will certainly revisit later because of the vibrant art direction and enjoyable characters. Anything I'm willing to play twice can at the very least be considered a good game... or at least an okay game... well by any means it's certainly a game.

Oblivion Journal: Entry III

It has been a while since my last entry, I've lost count of the days. I've been instructed by Jaufree to get as many Allies as possible to protect Martin the Bastard... I'll get around to it eventually.

A man rode past me on a horse so I killed him out of instinct, seems he was just a messenger. Looks like I'm growing an entire garden of oopsie daisies.

Killed some more people on the road, they attacked me first... I seem to have developed a sniffle, I should get some rest before I get sick!

hmmm.... turns out rest was a bad idea, I'm a Vampire now... Not exactly sure how but no matter, I spoke to a guy who told me about a guy that knows where a guy is with a cure!

Day ???

Whoa, not a guy with the cure, but she could have fooled me. This witch wants me to find a bunch of crap, shouldn't be an issue for the HERO OF KVATCH.

Day ???

Like I said before, not an issue, got all the junk. All that's left now is to turn it all in.

hmmm... The witch is just staring at me blankly when I try to hand her my neatly trimmed Blood Grass. Perhaps if I try shooting it at her with my bow.

Well the message got across, but not the one I wanted. Had to kill the witch. She didn't think much of it when she got back up... but she still won't make me the potion... bitch...

Day ???

Sunlight burns the flesh... I hate being a vampire... Oh well, I have my a mission! Get aids!

Day sevntythree

Found a lovely little town, and they said they'll send aid to Bruma if I close that pesky Oblivion Gate outside! No problem citizens! I can't wait to see what unique and diverse situations I'll encounter gathering aid for to protect the Martin!

Day Atey

Found another village! Looks like they need a me to close an Oblivion Gate! Off I go!

Day 81

At another Town, sounds like they've got an Oblivion Gate problem! Third times the charm!

Day 82

Hmmm... there seems to be a rash of these Oblivion things... Guess I'll shut this one down too so they can send aids

Day 83

Seriously...

Day 84

Guess what I did today...

Day 85

This better be the last one....

Day 86

Commence hair pulling....

Day nineD

at last! I have gathered all my allies! Now to take the fight to the man... whos name I've forgotten

Day whatever

I'm sick of being a vampire, it has left me quite bitter...

Accidentally killed guard after we opened an Oblivion GREAT balls of Gate, they tried to arrest me... had to kill like eight guards... I almost feel bad. Almost.

This day

Decided to travel to the big city. A guard tried to arrest me, blood filled the streets.


Day Day

Being a vampire has made me incredibly bitter, I will kill anyone one at the drop of a hat, YOU SHOULD HAVE FIXED THE GLITCH BETHESDA. NOW ALL WILL SUFFER.


Day the last day

Well all hell broke loose, I killed some demons then the emporer bastard Martin turned into a dragon and killed the bad thing. Whoop-de-freakin-doooo. They made soem armor for me apparently, but I can't pick it up for two weeks. I will fill those two weeks with the blood of the innocent.

I am still a vampire. I am sad.

Oblivion Journal: Entry II

Day Ate

I was woken up up by some creeper in a hood last night, said something about joining a club called the Black Hand. Seems kind of sketchy, but all I have to do to join is murder someone, so I'll sleep on it.

I had to talk a dreadfully unattractive woman out of a book about cults today. Luckily I didn't have to use my masculine wilds. Then later I went on a wonderful romp through the sewers with my new friend whats-his-name, who was kind enough to take out his sword and point out exactly where an enemy was he wanted me to kill.

After we disbanded a local cult whats-his-name left me to wander the sewers by myself. I'm sure nothing bad will come of this.

I seem to be stuck in between two gates, no matter, nothing will dampen my spirits or resolve!

I had to kill myself, my resolve is intact, though my spirit is a bit soggy... Back to questing!

Day Nein

Deja vu, had to tear through the same cult. Now I have all the books I need to unravel the mystery of the Blue Oyster Cult! The code was easy enough to break, pro tip: IT'S THE GIANT RED LETTERS... Now to make sense of it all...

It says something about a Green Emperor, so I guess I have to head to the Green Road! Off I go toward the Inn of Ill Omen, sounds like a quaint Bed and Breakfast.

Day Tin

I arrived at the Inn and the keeper told me about a man named Rufio in the basement... why does that name sound so familiar...

Now I remember, I was woken from my sleep several nights ago by a strange man in a hood who told me to kill Rufio! Wouldn't want to disappoint my fans!

After talking to Rufio it sounds like he has a sickness, and his symptoms include killing girls. The remedy? Take two arrows and call me in the morning... from hell.

Day Heleven

That strange hooded man woke me up again, surely he has come to reward me for my righteous deed of slaying the evil Rufio.

Turns out I'm now a member of the Black Hand, a fairly crazy cult in its own right.

Tried to kill the guy, I knocked him down, but he got up again, I'm never gonna keep him down. Luckily despite just sitting through a lecture about NEVER betraying the black hand he seemed pretty cool with the whole "attempted murder" thing. Maybe this cult won't be so bad after all!

Now what was I doing again... oh that's right! Cult Hunting!

Day Twelveth

I'm begining to think my original idea to check the Green Road was altogether wrong... Time to go back to the big city!

Finally made it back and found Green Emperor Way! Now, all I have to do is stand in this spot for 12 hours. Piece of Cake.

Day Fourteenth (for superstitious purposes)

Well that went by fast, and now I have a waypoint again! Off the find the cult!

Well I found them and was greeted with open arms, they want to make me a member! I let them take all my stuff, doesn't matter, they couldn't take away my deadliest weapons of all, my Ten Finger Furies.

So I was made a part of some blood letting ceremony, they didn't specify how much blood to let so I might have gone a bit over board. As soon as I got the Silver Dagger I killed everyone in the room (except the sacrifice, who ran away). I think they might not let me back in this club... Shame... No matter! I got the book I needed, now off to Cloud Ruler Temple!

Day fifteen

Apparently I need to pay more attention, I was supposed to grab an amulet or something. Whatever, I didn't hear anything about an amulet. I'm too handsome to pay attention to these peasants.

Well now I get to go spy hunting, time to hop on my steed and ride.

I rode straight down the face of the mountain and the spy was kind enough to be waiting for me at the bottom! One arrow later the spy problem was dealt with. Check and mate.

Aha! There is another Spy to find! Back to spy hunting.

Again, the spy was kind enough to be waiting at the bottom of the hill, I am the ultimate spy hunter!

Oblivion Journal: First Entry

I recently got Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (5th anniversary edition for PS3, if you were wondering) and I'm only a few hours in. That said, this game is going to take many many hours. So instead of doing a summary of my experience at the end, I figured I would try something a bit different with Oblivion. I am going to be keeping a journal of sorts from the perspective of my brave avatar, so prepare yourself for the adventure and ridiculousness of Mattimus the Quiet.

Day Oneth

I'm in a dungeon! Not sure how... or why... also I think I might have changed genders over night, this may warrant further investigation. I heard the sultry voice of one Captain Jean-Luc Picard in a dream, today is going to be a good day!

The Emperor himself paid me a visit in my cell! I knew today would be good! I followed him around for a bit to listen to his voice, but then he died... shame really.

Day Two by two

I'm not in a dungeon! The Emperor sent me on a quest, so questing I will go. I saw a small encampment so I thought I would check it out. Upon investigation I discovered that people there really don't like interruptions, but I knew I could handle the situation with Diplomacy.

After a few stabs from Diplomacy the situation was handled and I was 3 gold pieces richer. Bam.

Day the Third

I picked up an arrow and now I can't move... This is troubling... I made my way to meet some guy named Jaufree, who is supposed to know where to find one of the Emperor's love children. He gave me the information I needed, so I continued on my merry way. I felt a horse would be the best way to travel so I hopped on one at the local stable.

... Turns out I stole the horse. The owner and a guard chased me several miles but I eventually out ran them (sans horse). I'm sure since I returned the horse and the whole thing was a misunderstanding that this will have no negative connotations in the future. None whatsoever.

Day-to-be Four

I went to hell today, that was interesting. Well, technically it was Oblivion, but it's like hell. I also ripped the hearts out of several guards. When in Rome!

I found Martin the Bastard! He doesn't like it when I call him that but I think it's hilarious, so the little bastard will just have to deal with it.

We helped bring a castle town out from the control of demons. During which I accidentally struck down a guard, but he got in the way of my arrow so I'm sure my friends won't mind. After all, it was an accident in the heat of battle.

Whoa, turns out they do mind, I had to kill all of my friends... oh well, fresh slate! and Martin doesn't seem to mind!

Day ofeth Five

Martin, Jaufree and Myself are now headed toward the head quarters of the Blades. I think I see a fellow horsemen up ahead, I'll stop and give greetings.

Turns out it was a guard who only wanted to arrest me, hardly seems fair... So I killed him. Martin objected, but I knocked him out again and then he was fine. It's nice to know your friends have reset buttons.

We finally reached the Blades HQ but we can't get in without Jaufree and he is missing. Now I have to go find his lazy ass. Went into then out of a building, then back to the HQ and Jaufree was there! I also missed something important apparently, but I don't care, I'm far to handsome. Besides! I have a new quest! Time to head to the big city!

Dayeth the Six

Met some new friends on the road! Had to kill them though, they started it.

I made it to the big city! A guard is ahead, I shall ask his friendly muscular frame for directions!

They arrested me! No idea why, I think I smell bullshit... well any way, I'll just sleep off my sentence and everything will be fine.

Day Sev

I made it out of prison, I feel slower, dumber and weaker, but better for the experience... and now I can't move... This is slightly troubling.

To be continued...