Only Slightly Delayed: Borderlands Review

Two bulky stereotypes and two scrawny stereotypes? Check.

I managed to finish borderlands this weekend, and to be honest, I was disappointed. Now that isn't to say it's a bad game because it really is fun. No, much like a parent laying the guilt on heavy I am disappointed in what Borderlands was because of what it could have been. What follows is going to sound like a lot of ranting, and it is, but I want to start it by saying that I really did like Borderlands. There are bugs and issues but overall the game is incredibly addictive. I suppose I had to high of hopes, but Gearbox did a good job.

Borderlands starts out interesting enough, you get a bit of backstory about the planet Pandora (no, not that Pandora) and the elusive Vault. You see, the Vault is what the story hinges on in Borderlands, or at least that's what you would expect from the opening cinematic. The Vault is what you are supposed to be searching for throughout the game, a legendary treasure trove that may be a myth. Unfortunately the first place the game goes wrong is in the story department.

When the credits rolled I counted 8 writers that worked on this game (and 21 QA, but I'll get to that later). I find it completely unbelievable that they had 8 people writing for this. At first glance Borderlands is filled with personality, but that opinion will change the moment you play it. All missions are told through text descriptions given from a character or bounty board. Now I understand why a bounty board would just have a message, but honestly, the game's "crazy" characters don't even talk to you.

The moment that Borderlands fell flat on its face for me was when I reached New Haven, a small town populated by NPCs. Upon seeing these lifeless drones just standing (or sitting) unflinching in the same position only made me realize how dull and void all the previous areas had been. These NPCs were not an improvement over the dull and empty "town" of Fyrestone (where the game begins). The appearance of these lifeless characters was like eating a fistful of grass to make one realize the mud they had earlier wasn't quite so divine. It's kind of embarrassing that Shenmue, a game that came out 11 years ago, has a more vibrant and lively world than Borderlands. As a matter of fact, the only people you will come across besides the lifeless drones are hundreds upon thousands of freaks that want to kill for no reason other than "they're crazy".

Beyond a few generic lines of dialogue, these characters don't evolve at all

The character dialogue, what little there is, is delivered almost entirely through vending machines. Basically there is a machine for medical supplies, ammo, guns, and cars. Each one has a "quirky" character assigned to it that'll talk while you buy supplies, spouting the same five lines of dialogue over and over. The same can be said of Clap-trap, the resident robot guide and mission informant.

The true story elements are introduced by a bluish hazy lady that appears at the top right of your screen maybe five or six times over the course of the game to tell you where to go next and that it will be very difficult (despite the fact the missions tend to be Trivial in difficulty). There are vague references she makes toward the end of the game that she might not be your average run of the mill bluish hazy video girl, but that is completely dropped by the time the credits roll in what I am calling the worst ending of the year. I was amazed at how little care was taken with the end of the game. Here comes a *SPOILER* so duck and cover if you don't want to be spoiled rotten, skip to the next paragraph NOW. In the end you open the vault and a big monster comes out, you kill it, the video lady says good job. The end. That's it. You don't see what's in the vault, you don't get any character resolution, you get nothing. A little video showing a ninja clap-trap assassin that you have to buy DLC for doesn't count.

So yes, they dropped the ball in the story department, but what about the rest of the game, we're not playing a book after all. Well the rest of the game is quite addicting and belongs to a category I lovingly refer to as "Nerd Person Shooters" this is a new genre of shooter that includes games like Fallout 3, or going way back, Deus Ex: Conspiracy. In a Nerd Person Shooter the game focuses more on statistics than actual first person shooting skills. It's basically FPS meets RPG. Unfortunately for Borderlands there were more than a few hinderances to this formula.

When the enemy knows you're there hit detection is spot on

One issue I had was with the games hit detection. I am fairly adept at First Person Shooters, especially where sniper rifles are concerned. In borderlands, however, I was reduced to newb status through no fault of my own. I was a Hunter, which is a class specifically for sniping, but no matter how long I would take to get a perfect bead on an enemy when I fired that first shot if he was not aware of my presence it would miss 9/10 times. Regardless of how high my stats were I'd miss, this is an issue with hit detection, not my skills. Do not question my skills.

This is where I bring up my other major gripe. Quality Assurance. Now you see I do this for a living, I make sure that several websites are up and running with no bugs or glitches. Much like Fallout 3 this game is buggy as an entomologists office. There are a great many places that you can slip into and get stuck, which is especially frustrating around an objective. Aside from spotty hit detection at a distance there is also an issue with going out of bounds. Usually when a game has an invisible wall it will either turn you around or give you a countdown to flee the area. In Borderlands almost no warning is given and you'll find that stumbling into death happens a bit to frequently.

Death brings me to one aspect I greatly enjoyed about Borderlands, the "Second Wind" System. Basically, if you die you are given a small amount of time to "fight for your life" and by taking down a nearby enemy you will pop back up with full shield but low health. Since dying costs money (hand over fist by the end of the game) this system is greatly appreciated. There is just something awesome about being taken down, then getting a rebuttal, and a little revenge. Just be sure not to kill a guy at the same time you die.

One last gripe: yes, this is a loot whore game, I don't mind that. What I mind is having to pick up every bit of ammo and having the hot swap button the same as the pick up button. Several times I would unintentionally equip something without knowing (usually a shield, grenade, or class mod) that would severely stunt my character. If you're going to make us pick everything up then please don't use the same button for auto equip.

This is what co-op looked like for me, Lee is a Siren and I'm a Hunter

Despite all these complaints I must say that over the past few weeks I've really been addicted to this game. The multiplayer component is fun and intuitive and playing co-op is fantastic. I'm not a fan of online multiplayer, I love splitscreen co-op but not anonymous stranger stuff. That said, Borderlands will punish you for playing single player, honestly that's what it feels like. An example: Before a boss fight you will hit a check point, say you get him down to 1/4 health then die. You will re-spawn instantly right in front of said boss, you'll have no ammo, and they'll have full health. However, if playing with another player, you pop back into the battle and the boss will still have the same amount of hurt you laid on them before you bought the farm.

For the sake of beating a dead horse I have to say one more time that I really enjoyed Borderlands. The RPG lite leveling system is fantastic, with just enough room to make you feel like a bad@$$ without getting out of hand. The gameplay was engaging and addicting and despite my gripes I continued to play all the way to the end (and beyond as I'm playing through again with my wife), and on top of that I've already downloaded one of the expansion packs. It fascinates me that a game I have so many complaints against (remember, worlds worst critic here, that's a TON of complaints for me) could hold my attention and keep me so occupied. I plan on getting the rest of the DLC and reviewing each in turn to see what else Gearbox has up their sleeve. So as a final word I'll say this, play Borderlands if you think you fit into the Nerd Person Shooter niche, but don't come here looking for a good story… At least, not yet.

Will I be able to figure what keeps drawing me to this game?

Will the glitches and bugs get the best of my patience?

Find out in the next exciting installment of Only Slightly Delayed: Borderlands!

To be continued in: Borderlands DLC: The Zombie Island of Doctor Ned