Monday, January 31, 2011

Making a DisAppointment


I've been under-disappointed lately.


I mean, everything has turned out better than expected. I watched The Room and it was suitably hilarious and awkward. I played Kane and Lynch 2 and while it was bad it was still at least playable. I watched all of The Last Airbender and left with my sanity in check, thinking only that it's biggest crime was trying too much with no talent.


Much in the way something gets over hyped *cough* Avatar *cough* and then doesn't live up to its astronomical expectations. I'm having a similar problem, except I've been hoping for these things to be massive unequivocal failures but I've only been met by things I can identify as just plain old bad. Granted, having a sunny disposition as I do it is a tad bit difficult, but still, I have decided to set out on a journey, much like Mr. Glass, to find that magical train-wreck. I want to play the unplayable game, read the unreadable book, and watch the unwatchable movie.


This will test the limits of my sanity and challenge my optimistic outlook. My starting point is this: it has to be worse than Twilight New Moon, which will be difficult, because that movie almost broke me. I'm open to suggestions but I think I am going to start with Tomb Raider Angel of Darkness for the Playstation 2. This should be a fun experiment.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

For the Love of Advertising

I liked Dead Space, a lot. That game was right up my alley. You see, one of my favorite type of film is "Space Paranoids". Something that takes place in space, (or in some cases deep in the ocean) on a derelict ship or planet. I don't know why, I just really enjoy films of that variety. Dead Space, in that regard, is like a love letter to me. So of course I should be excited for a sequel, right?


Well I was until EA came up with this schlock:


http://yourmomhatesdeadspace2.com/


That's right, your mom hates Dead Space 2, how edgy. Thanks EA, I already knew that. I love my mother dearly so I would never even think to subject her to watching footage from Dead Space. Yet EA thinks it's funny to sit women down under false pretense and show them graphically disturbing imagery. Would it have been funny if they were forced to watch fornication? or real life violent acts?


Who at EA thought this was a good idea? I honestly can't believe this was put out. It really grinds my gears that some ad exec at Electronic Arts is patting him or herself on the back right now. "How edgy!" they must be saying. The only edge in that commercial was the one some poor unsuspecting mother saw a Necromorph get impaled by. I know there are those among the game playing public that will find this hilarious but please understand; This was not a creepy crawlers commercial. The mothers weren't pretending to be grossed out by fake bugs, they were tricked and shown disturbing material. That's just not right.


So Happy New Year EA, I'm not buying your game when it comes out. In fact, it just plummeted down my list. My apologies to those who were waiting at the edge of their seats for my Dead Space 2 review. I refuse to buy into "momsploitation".

Monday, January 10, 2011

Right vs Wrong: The Good Bad

Simultaneously, Only Slightly Delayed: Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days

My first accomplishment of 2011 was a rather odd one indeed. I rang in the new year by beating one of the worst games of 2010. That's right, I subjected myself to the four dreary hours of Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days (half of that was co-op with Jeremy). Of course that begs the question; Matt, why would you do that to yourself and a friend!? First and foremost to test the waters, see if the game really was as bad as people said, after all, even I had some strong words for it in a previous article. Second was to teach a lesson, if it really was bad, then I had just the right game to compare it to that did the same thing, but actually succeeded.

Kane and Lynch 2 is a bad game, but you probably already knew that. Granted, it was not the train wreck I was expecting. It was a playable, albeit painful, experience. For starters KL2 is an ugly game. This normally wouldn't bother me, but to make up for how piss poor the graphics are the developers used this god awful cell phone camera quality filter, it has neither charm nor purpose. I suppose this was to add to the "gritty realism" the game was going for (and failed at miserably). At one or two points in the game they actually try to play it like there is some masochistic-deaf-dumb-camera-shy-mute they don't like to talk about following them around and filming their escapades.

Adding to the "realism" is the fact that your characters shoot about as accurately as a hardboiled cop egg. KL2 is a cover based third person shooter, so all the gunning is done from quite some distance, so inaccuracy becomes a huge issue. The ultimate catch 22 of this game comes in the form of the core mechanics, it wants you to stay in cover, but you have to be 3 feet away from your enemy to do any damage. Basically, bullets will kill you, fast. Your enemies however are only mildly allergic to bullets. This is a formula for frustration and ends up being a lazy way to pad the length of the game through cheap death. While playing the game co-op it is easy enough to manage, provided your friend is smarter than the brick they emulated for the AI. Simply put, the AI is incompetent. It will not kill enemies, and you will die because of that.

Washed out colors and excessive bloom lighting! Sign me up!

The final place this game falls flat on its face is the story. There is no believable connection between Kane and Lynch, and barely a hint of humanity (though the game does try, offering a daughter and girlfriend as collateral, but it doesn't work). You start by killing thugs, which is fine, then you kill cops, which is odd, then the army comes after you, then special forces. There's no two ways around it. You are evil in this game. Evil.

(NOTE: Thats the end of the brief review, not much to say about it really. The following is a comparison to a game that succeeded where KL2 failed) Now is playing as a bad guy a bad thing? Not at all, but there is a right and wrong way to do it. So lets look at a good example shall we?

There are many good examples but this one matches quite well in theme: Call of Juarez 2 Bound in Blood. This is an old west FPS that tells the story of two brothers gone bad. Mechanically it is a very different game from KL2 so I'm not going to touch on that, I want to focus on the story, or specifically, how we as a player are drawn in.

KL2 assumes that you are the lowest common denominator, you are the loyal G4 audience, you gawk at breasts and absorb violence like a sponge and all the art you need is applied in a simple filter. You don't mind killing cops, army men, or special forces, because your playing as the misunderstood heroes… who are not at all misunderstood, they're pure evil. KL2 is like two incredibly violent kids in a sand box, and honestly, that works for some people (read above). To tell an engaging story from that perspective though is much more difficult than one might think.

Unless you are the person described in the above paragraph you will always feel detached from the characters in KL2. What that game is missing is a proxy, an entry point into the story for a normal person with regulated testosterone levels. Call of Juarez has not one, but two proxies. The first is Thomas, he is a bandit like his older brother Ray, but not quite so aggressive. The next proxy is William. He is not a playable character but has an incredible story arc none the less.

I'm sure you can guess which brother is slightly more evil

With Thomas, Ray, and William we are given an entry point to the story so we can enjoy it on a much deeper level and actually connect with all the characters. They all suffer from flaws and deal with deep emotional conflict; Love, family, selfishness, revenge, contentment, envy. Death has weight and consequence in Call of Juarez 2, something sorely lacking from Kane and Lynch 2.

There are plenty of games and movies that play up the angle of being a bad guy. Some succeed and some, like Kane and Lynch, fall terribly short. You won't leave this game feeling like a badass, heck, you won't even feel entertained. No, it's much more likely you'll just leave Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days feeling dirty, very, very, dirty.

Friday, January 7, 2011

A Special Announcement

http://worldsworstcritic.blip.tv/

My long awaited Internet Video debut!


+10 Internets to the person who can name the game I'm playing in the "Video Games" part